It was my 19th wedding anniversary last week. Given the current situation I’m not sure whether that called for a celebration or not. I think not. It was quite a day. My daughter got her GCSE results, which was a big deal for the whole family. Luckily she did well and we decided to celebrate with a family meal out, so me and the ex did end up spending the evening together.
I’m beginning to over-think the whole ex and me thing – something I promised myself I wouldn’t do. It’s complicated but most of all confusing. The sex is great but intense, a feeling I’d distanced myself from for the last five years. And he’s up for it all the time, at every opportunity – which is great but I don’t want us falling back to our old ways. Him gagging for it, and me holding him at arm’s length. I don’t have the excuses I used to have – feeling too tired due to the kids, not feeling sexy etc etc.
Anyway, we had a big ‘talk’ the day after the anniversary. We’d planned to go to the pub, but as it was pouring with rain, I suggested he came round with a bottle of wine. We talked about boring, fairly mundane things to start with and then got down to the nitty gritty. It has helped. He seems as confused and frightened as I am, but I think he’s more in control. He’s still seeing his girlfriend and that’s getting weirder for me as this goes on. I maintain that I don’t want him to finish with her for me, but he seems to be weighing up his options.
What if he chooses her. How would I feel then?
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