Life of a nun (kind of…)
Well I managed to resist all temptation, which is very good for me, but I do feel a bit like a bomb that’s about to go off at any time. I’m not good at being so restrained for so long.
I really needed to talk to my ex before we headed back to bed, but he seemed to be putting it off and then sexting me, which I found very confusing. I think he eventually got the message and we ended up having a conversation in the car, on our way Christmas shopping and then again on the way home.
I’m not sure we’re any further forward though. I know my feelings for him are getting stronger, hence the jealous reaction to whenever he visits his GF, but I still don’t want him to finish with her for me either. We need to get to get know each other again and to be sure it’s what we both want.
The Christmas shopping day was good. We had a laugh and a good natter about this and that. Then we had a family trip out to the cinema, which again was very nice. Not that we had any time together, with my eldest sitting between us like some sort of gatekeeper. Since she found out about her dad and me she’s fiercely protective of him and starts acting the age she was when we split up. Weird.
Things are all good on the Bad Habit front. My backing off tactics seem to be working, when he called me after just one day of me not contacting him.
We had lunch the other day and had a lovely time. Very relaxed and funny, with no flirting. The only problem that I look forward to seeing him so much I’m left with a aching hole when it’s over. I want more and then begin to make a fool of myself, mailing and texting him, until I rein myself in again.
Reading this back, it seems I have made a little progress. True I’m still confused, but I do feel as though I’m in more control.
Not ready for the nunnery just yet then.
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