I always have trouble with this time of the year. I'm sure it's got something to do with the romantic to me. Even after all these years I still buy into the perfect image of Christmas Day and of course mine never meets my ridiculous expectations.
I do actually feel better about things this year though. I'm not really sure why that is - maybe it's the situation with my ex. He's actually blowing his gf out on her 50th Birthday, which falls on Christmas Eve, so he can be with me and the kids. I think it's more to do with the kids than me, mind.
Work's a bit weird too. Not much to do and loads of social occasions, which always seems an excuse for me to send my BH dodgy texts and emails after drinking too much. I always get a bit panicky about when I'm going to get to see him before Christmas. Mad I know and I'm trying to stay calm.
My backing off tactics aren't working too well either this week either. I blame the time of the month. I always go a bit mad and miserable and demand too much from him. Then I hate myself and the whole cycle starts again. If anyone has any tips on how to get off this mad rollercoaster, can they let me know.
I'm meant to be going out with the ex for a curry tonight. He's had nasty dental work today, so we'll see if he's up to it. I know he's going to up for sex. He's gagging for it. In some mad mix-up, he thought I had the day off today and called me when I was almost in the office, asking me where I was. He'd turned up at my house expecting me to be waiting for him in bed. Bad one!
Anyway, we'll see what happens tonight.
