Well nothing much has happened in ‘this space’ over the past week or so. I think I’ve become a little paranoid about the state of things between me and the ex. He’s become really distant – no phone calls or texts – and he doesn’t even come downstairs to say hello when I pick the kids up.
I have asked him about it and he always seems to have an excuse – he’s tired/busy and apologises if he’s hurt me.
We had a bit of a disagreement the other day about when he should give our eldest daughter her birthday presents. I was just thinking about when would be the best time for her. He thought I was being controlling – something he had real issues about when we were together. It was sorted, but left me feeling more uneasy.
We’d arranged a surprise Birthday Party for her. It was at his place due to space, which meant he had the most work to do. It went well, apart from it coinciding with my first night back on the wine after a month of abstinence and it wasn’t pretty.
We didn’t manage to get together for any private time either and he wasn’t very happy about that. I am beginning to feel a bit pressured about that but I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to do.
We were going to go out for a drink last night, something I was really looking forward to. It didn’t happen. He had a headache and was late cooking dinner for the kids. I didn’t say anything at the time. Maybe I should start. My best friend thinks I should write him a letter. Maybe I should just get him to read this.
My FB has been in contact again. In fact, he sent me a message this morning saying ‘I’ll be there at 3pm’. I bloody hope he won’t because my son is here having some Mummy time. That would be interesting!
I’m not sure how I feel about that one. I’m tempted to agree to see him. It might help me focus on what I want or don’t want. I just don’t have the same needs as I used to!
So things aren’t moving forward at all. I know I said from the start that I didn’t want to rush things, but this snail’s pace is doing my head in and if things don’t change soon I may walk away from the whole thing.
