When I decided to call this blog, Getting Back Together, Or Not, I have to admit there was a part of me that really wanted it to end positively.
As I’ve said before, I’m a complete sucker for romantic, happy endings. I’d even gone down the line of imagining telling the kids and our friends and family that we were getting back together. I’d thought about the house we would move into together – even renewing our wedding vows.
It’s taken me a few weeks to finally accept that this isn’t going to happen. After my ex finished with his girlfriend things changed, and not in the way I expected. I was waiting for us to start going out on ‘dates’ more, spending more time as a family, and, the best bit, having more amazing sex.
None of this happened. In fact it went in reverse. The texts, calls and emails dried up and he even had trouble getting it up in bed.
We did talk about it and I think we hit a stalemate. He said he wants me to make more of a commitment and doesn’t think I’m at the end of my ‘sexual journey’. It had suddenly become very serious.
He thought we’d never resolve any of our issues with a chat down the pub or a movie night. I think he was hinting at couples’ therapy, but I don’t want the emotional and financial outlay for something I’m not sure I want enough.
If I’m perfectly honest, he’s probably right. I know there are many things I still feel unsure about where he is concerned and there’s lots of things I don’t want to give up – particularly my independence. I think that says it all.
I’m not completely shutting the door, but for the time being I think we’re back to being co-parents to our three beautiful children. I’m glad that part of our relationship hasn’t suffered and very relieved that we never told them what was going on.
As for me? Well, I’m back on the saddle. I got back in touch with my FB on Saturday and rode all night!
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